Haket's Journal

Several days have passed and much has happened. Kerris concocted a plan to break into the Imperial Palace and interrogate the King’s advisor. After a few days of working out the details, the plan was set in motion. Somehow we managed to not only get into the castle without any problem, but we got all the way to the advisor’s office before we encountered any problems. With ease, we gained entry into the room and subdued the guards. The advisor was a skilled combatant with more than a few tricks up his sleeve. He soon summoned that demoness and turned into a poof of smoke to escape. I’ll admit that I was a bit off my game when dealing with her, but I did manage to drop her with three mighty swings of my blade once I worked the funk out. I found out that she was dead for good thanks to a spell that the boss managed to cast on her. While fighting the succubus, Irena managed to kill the advisor. After some investigation, we uncovered a secret passage that lead to the advisor’s secret office which was filled with more than enough incriminating evidence of his misdeeds.
Somehow we were granted audience with the king and not killed outright despite admitting to killing the advisor and being covered in foul smelling blood. The king is either a foolish man or more than capable of defending himself. I resisted the urge to discover which is true.
The King, apparently having some doubt regarding his advisor, reviewed the facts that we presented to him with an open-mind. It didn’t take much to convince him of the advisor’s guilt or of Hapwater’s pact with him. As reward, the King offered the Boss a deal to swap him Hapwater’s land and responsibilities for the one’s that his family already owned. He accepted. When he asked what I would desire for reward, I humbly requested diplomatic immunity and an honorary knighthood as I was technically a foreigner in his lands. He accepted, though he thought I would make an excellent court jester, and dubbed me Sir Haket of the Davor. I was surprised to find how well versed the king was in the customs and culture of my people.
I’m not sure where tomorrow will take me as the party seems to be going each their seperate way. Valik has to go to Hapwater and set things in order, Kerris has recieved a special appointment by the King, and I’m not sure where Irena intends to go. Personally, I’ll go where ever there’s new ale and adventure waiting. Time will tell.

It’s been several days since my last entry. True be told, there hasn’t been much to tell about. It’s been mostly just walking around from one place to the next. We met Kerris’ father and he tasked us with killing some lord or some such. If not for that, I would not have thought him to be an assassin. He seems so nice and definitely not fearsome. After meeting him, we headed off to the capital city. That’s when things got interesting.
We needed to infiltrate the House of Lords so a plan was concocted to do so. For some reason, I needed to get a job posing as a bartender. A shame how things turned out. At some point during my shift, I sniffed out the succubus. She was hanging out in the rafters and pointing at Kerris. That’s when the party started. Irena made me a giant and I started taking it to the demon with Kerris’ butter knife while Irena illuminated the place. If not for her fleeing, I would’ve dropped her. At this point, I realized that the bar was almost entirely engulfed in flames and that the boss was probably under mental suggestion again.
Since I had a few minutes until I shrunk, I fled and hung out on the cliff. When I returned to the room we’ve rented, I had to punch out the boss as he was still under mental suggestion. We took him to get cured at his local church before turning in for the night.
The next morn, we made preparations for our future conflict with her. The boss commissioned a cold steel greatsword for me as well as having my drake head finally turned into a helm that shuts. The down side is that we have to wait four days for them to be completed. I spent the first day filling my tankard with all sorts of different ales. A great day indeed. Last night before bed, I determined a new direction for myself. I think it would be an admirable goal to learn as much as possible about ale as I can so that I might one day start my own brewery. In addition to gaining a sample of each kind of ale I’ve ever drunk, I will begin to start collecting recipes and advice from those already in the business.
I was planning on getting a start on this process tomorrow by sampling another bar’s offerings, but Ferris wanted to meet up with some noble she saved from the fire at the bar the other night. By playing her dumb manservant/bodyguard, we will somehow garner this man’s trust and be permitted access to the royal court. I’m not sure how as I couldn’t lie to save my life and now I have to pretend to be far less intelligent so as now to offend this man’s sensibilities. Shrug. Southerners are weird folk. On a side note, the guards are searching the sewers for the ‘giant’ that suddenly appeared in the bar while a ‘witch set fire to it during a ’bar brawl’. Hahaha! That’s just too much. Well, I’m off with Ferris.

Fell into a rough way there for a bit. We headed back to town, scaled the wall, and just kinda waited while the priestess shambled off to seek healing. While we sat on our haunches in the shadows of the wall, two figures bounced over the fence toward the direction we just came from. Instantly we were up and over the wall and Snarls and I ran them down. The witch put my mark to sleep after I tackled him while the boss got a few good hits in on the other in between Snarls’ frenzied rending and lashing. I ordered Snarls to heel as I grappled the woman and then something sharp struck me in the back and then I suddenly could not stand. I couldn’t do anything but lay there in a crumpled mess and watch on it horror as the boss quickly became outnumbered. I tried to call out to Snarls who sat whimpering yet honoring his master’s last command but could not.

Then, a man started to tie me up. I could only lay there, immobile, as the boss fell to one knee. He had definitely taken a beating in a 3-on-2 fight, but he was giving his all. Luckily, Kerris returned, not looking like a zombie at all I might add, and helped turned the tide. The witch still did alot of the heavy lifting sofar as I could see from my angle. It’s hard to see much when your face is in the dirt. While the boss took me into town to look after his wounds and my ailment, the others took to interrogating the sleeping survivor. He didn’t know much, but we did learn that there are probably three other cells of four somewhere in town. We tended to his wounds and allowed him to leave, as he intended to head north if we let him live. For a moment there, I didn’t think we would.

It looks like we got our work cut out for us. One group down and three to go, probably with similar gutless sneak tactics and tricks. For now though, ale and rest.

It has not been long since my last entry which I did shortly before my nap. Not much has happened since and by that I mean nothing has happened since then. Shortly after Kerris relieved me of watch, she noticed those foreigners in those bush and chased after them. Alone. And was shot with a poisoned arrow by a supposed ‘fifth’ foreigner. The wound smelled of almonds, which I know isn’t good when it comes to poisons. She’ll either live and be miserable until she fully recovers from the poison or become an undead monster. The others didn’t seem too keen on making sure she didn’t turn into a zombie, especially the boss. I heard a saying once that a pimp should never fall in love with one of his women and I feel that I’m soon to understand why.

Once Kerris returned, almost completely undead, she and the boss bickered about how to proceed for some time. I’m not sure how long, but I do know that the sun rose high enough for the others to spot a carrier bird flying overhead. They seem to think that those four men in the white robes are part of a some conspiracy, but I’m not sure they know exactly what that entails or how they fit into it. Correction, how we fit into it. Honestly, these four have been stalking us for several days now without leaving even a scent, so much a track and more than amble chances to ambush us. I’ve never been a fan of intrigue myself, but sometimes tells me that these four either need us for their plan or they have bigger fish to fry. If they were capable, rather, had it been their intention to get rid of us, cornering us in this cave would’ve been an excellent trap.

I’m bored sitting here while the fate of some old, withered man and his horndog nephew is decided by a pimp who can’t manage his hoes on a revenge quest and a paranoid, sticky-fingered “priestess” who’s definitely running from from something. Probably, someone that she stole from. I long for adventure and ale. When these four in the white robes decide they want their heads bashed in, I’ll put down my tankard for a moment to gladly oblige them. Until then, I grow weary of this cave and my tankard needs a new flavor.

The last two days have been eventful, to say the least. After what felt like ages, the party decided that wondering around underground under-equipped would be the death of them and that we’d need to resupply. The Boss seemed flustered about how to get his hands on enough ‘googles of the night’ or some such that would allow the others to see in the dark. Heh! It matters not to see death coming, but to survive it when it does. Speaking of which, someone beheaded the horse while we were in the fort and hung it so we would see it upon entering the courtyard. The boss seemed really freaked out by this, even after I buried the horse and dragged the damn cart back to town. He wanted to hook Snarls up to it! BARBARIC! The day that Snarls is equivalent to a horse is the day I spread the boss’ guts around to summon bears. Or drakes. Or whatever woodland creature would eat a human’s viscera hanging from a branch.

Speaking of the boss and horses, that man doesn’t know how to rest a bit. When we got back to town, he was already hopping on the next job. Church job, not the other kind. Atleast I hope not, considering what the target was. The former captain of the town guard was trying to amass a force to deal with a giant attacking a village. Apparently, the captain lost her job for hiring the party to deal with this giant in the first place. Though we were only in town for maybe half an hour tops, I did gain something quite useful. It seems that tankard I got can reproduce any liquid that is poured into it and then, presumably, consumed. I’ll have to experiment with that last part though. I will try acid, urine, and a healing potion to test the limits of the tankard.

It was a short trip to Mudwick where I made short work of the undead giant, who was working with living orges oddly enough. True be told though, this fight was the closest to death I’ve ever been and my body is covered with horrible bruises from that tree he swung at me. I later asked the ‘druid’ for some Goodberries and she was not able to produce them. Heh, my suspicions are confirmed. Speaking of the druid, the captain tried to claim that the druid killed the giant. Heh! She is a remarkable specimen of combat prowess and took several direct blows. I was worried that she might die during the fight, but now find myself admiring how she handles a blade and how her hips sway as she walks away. Had I the time to do so, I would ask to her spar for the chance to mate with her. She will produce many strong and handsome warriors. After I chopped the invaders up into smaller pieces, I started burning them. I don’t know much about undead, but I remember hearing that necromancers need intact bodies to practice their craft. As we are a group dedicated to teamwork, the party instantly went to bar to drink while I worked. Sigh.

The villagers did not want me to burn their dead, so I let them to it. Before I set flame to the bodies, I had a sensation that something was wrong. I hopped onto Snarls and charged fifteen feet to the bar, where I kicked in the door. Through the splinters falling around me like snowflakes, I saw the priestess flopping-about-and-speaking-gibberish-drunk, the ‘druid’ casting a death glare at some local townswoman (Note: Not her actual death glare), and the boss pretty much begging said local townswoman to audition for him upstairs. MALEI BE DAMNED! What the fuck is he thinking? The man already has more women than he can handle and he’s trying to get another. I mean, it sounds like one girl, who has a bit of a rough side, left because she was getting shortchanged and he has no idea where the other one is. The two he manages to keep tabs on haven’t done anything but drink and try to scam people. I tried dragging him to safety, but the damned fool was more concerned about getting his dick wet. Oh well, not my funeral, and I told him as such.

I went back to burning the bodies and Kerris decided to play with Snarls. Snarls didn’t seem to might it so I didn’t order him to bite her face off. The foppish floozie passed out, I think, next to the fire next to Snarls and I joined the two of them for a short nap. Before catching some shut eye, I noticed the boss jump, bare ass naked, of the window from the room, quickly dress, and then enter the bar like nothing happened. How did I get mixed up with these people again! The former captain was ready to go shortly after I was and we moved the party back to town. She wanted to learn why she had been fired, knowing now that her birth village was safe. Upon entering town, the boss’ other lady, Jasmina, joined up with us and started grilling me for details. I’m not sure what her story is, but she smells like the ‘druid’ and they kind of look alike. Perhaps, they are twins, which further defines the boss’ image as a pervert. I guess they are some that ‘enjoy’ sisterly love more literally than others.

While the boss, Ferris, and the captain discussed how to see this Theo Hapwater to get answers, I confronted the druid. She easily accepted that I knew that she wasn’t a druid and wondered how she could learn the Goodberry spell. How the heck would I know, honestly. I told her that I’d keep her secret, especially from the boss whom, I suspect, would gladly turn her in for using arcane magic in a law where such is banned. I interjected some straight forward attempts to see Theo, but they were quickly shot down. The boss and Ferris broke into Theo’s house, kidnapped him, and then started torturing him in some cave that they’ve apparently been to before. I’m just standing guard, nursing my wounds and cuddling with Snarls.

Also, I’ve noticed that I’m missing some gold, so I’ll assume the priestess has taken her payment. I think I might just booby trapping my pockets. Mother once read a book to me described dark magical items to me and one in particular sticks out to me: The Bag of Devouring. However, I’m not sure that I want maim Ferris.

Well, not yet anyway.

I split a drake in half! I don’t believe that I’ve ever swung my sword that hard before. Ha! The other two drakes, having bared witness to my earth splitting strike, flew away like little cowards. The boss deftly shot down one of them, but the other completed it’s retreat into the sky. I have heard of boots that allow one to fly. Perhaps, I will seek out a pair for myself one day.
We explored the fort and you’ll never guess what we found…an Dwarven Everfilling Tankard! I can’t believe my luck! The only downside is that it only fills with this weak pale ale. I have a theory about that that I’m going to try out once we get back into town. Heh! If it works, I’ll be the happiest half-orc ever. There was some sort of ghost thing that was trashing the place when we walked in that mysteriously disappeared. Shrug.
Ferris seemed very insistent that we’d find Dwarven ruins under the fort and I accepted a bet that we wouldn’t. Nice gal, but she ain’t so bright. By accepting her bet, I have actually given her a reason to continue investigating this area before heading off either back to town or to that faraway temple she seems to favor. At the cost of a Dwarven Head Stout, I might even find another Everfilling Tankard. Hehehe! What luck that would be.
While Snarls and I were digging through the softened earth, I noticed some strange things about the ‘druid’. First off, she offered me a crowbar to pry up the flagstones in the floor. Druids definitely don’t carry crowbars because it affects their ability to cast magic. This caused me to realize that she’s had a longsword strapped to her hip the whole time I’ve been traveling with this lot. Granted, she’s never used it, but she’s worn it this whole time. Very odd. Not to mention, that monkey doesn’t smell right. I mean, it smells like a monkey, but a bathed monkey. I don’t know much about monkies, but I don’t think they can bathe without water. If it tongue bathed, it would atleast smell like a proper monkey. I confronted her about it, but she quickly clammed up. A little later on, I’m going to ask her to cast Goodberry because I know that’s a spell that every Druid can cast. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen druids buy scrolls. Very odd indeed.
The druid and I were sent to speak with some kobolds that live in some of the tunnels under the fort. For a map and safe travel within their lands, we offered them the fort. The leader Glug-glug also has no stomach for alcohol. Hell, he doesn’t even have a tongue for alcohol. Anyway, he pointed us to what appears to be the gateway to the Dwarven kingdom and a passageway that no one returns from. Presently, we’re discussing whether or not to go through the Dwarven gateway.

Drakes! There are drakes everywhere! They’re easy enough to kill, but the party won’t let me try to train one. I’m not sure why they are so keen are walking everywhere.

We found the necromancer at that fort, but he was already dead. Judging from the huge gashes in his back, I would think it was that succubus that the party encountered. They also thought so as well, and had a major discussion about it and how to proceed. For some reason, the boss and top lady want to go 3 days south to their main church, but I’m not sure why. The white-haired one wasn’t sure what to do, but I managed to convince the party that we might as well check the place out since we’re here. I mean, we came here initially to verify signs of necromantic activity and a dark guy wearing black clothing doesn’t necessarily mean that.

Also, I’m hoping to find two things inside: a source of running water and tankard of everlasting ale. Namely, I smell like a drake. I scattered that one we killed to attract bears to the end of our trail. If we are being tracked, it might slow them down, maybe even stop them.

If we don’t go inside, I’m going to convince the party to head back to town to stock up atleast since this temple is three whole days travel to the south and knowing this bunch, they’ll probably want to sleep, or not ‘sleep’, at night. Here goes nothing.

The journey back from the orcs’ cave was very quiet considering the journey there. I’m going to have some nasty scars where those damn trolls bit me. If I weren’t enraged at the time, it might’ve actually hurt. Snarls is banged up, too, but thankfully not too bad. I wish I could take him into town, but that won’t go as well as it does back home I feel. If I could only figure out a way to disguise him, it would be easier to do in these less open-minded southern towns.

This talk of the dark man with the facial scar seems to trouble the boss and his top lady. I walked into them loudly discussing the matter in the street outside of The Frosty Jewel. The White-haired Lady approached while these two argued and invited me inside the bar. I respectfully declined, not knowing if she was trying to initiate her services upon my person, and continued listening to these two. What I find most troubling about the whole situation is that the boss has four ladies, or so I’ve been informed, and yet I’ve only ever met the two and he has already admitted that he has no idea where the dark elvish woman is. How does he manage to stay in business fighting with his employees in the street and not keeping track of their ‘hours’. Supposedly, he got into this life because of this dark man, or so it sounds like. It’s hard to follow innuendo laden with innuendo.

The boss is a good man, when he’s not thinking impulsively or fighting with the top lady. Thinking of that white-haired lady though, there’s something off about her. I know that druids can fly as I’ve seen one do so before, but all of the animals they call forth smell like animals; like normal. Her monkey smells too clean, like he’s always just taken a bath. Strange. Maybe I’ll discover why that is one day, and hopefully without inadvertently entering into some ‘consensual’ contract or whatever she’s likely to call.

Anyway, the boss and the top lady have decided to search an old fort southwest of the town that was abandoned after the last war. Supposedly, it was built on top of an ancient dwarven city and is now the most likely place a necromancer would hide. I’m hoping that maybe a cask of something has survived the ages so that I can have a taste. If not, I’m certain that there will be gold and jewels for the taking, even if it’s already been picked over a times since then. Maybe I’ll find a magical tankard that refills itself when empty. That would be about the best thing ever.

Well, I can smell that strange salty aroma that follows the group, so that must mean they are close. Until next time.

The first week of my travels had been uneventful until I met an orc on the road just north of a small town call Hapwater Glen. Prior to this, I had stopped in a few bars but wound up regretting the decision thanks to their dismal selection of handcrafted ales. This orc, however, indirectly directed straight to the best ale I’ve ever tasted in my life by asking me to find his friends. Apparently, they had rescued what remained of his tribe from a giant who boasted ogres, dire wolves, and wolves under his command. I discovered that these friends of his worshiped the god Fiandra, but not at first. He said it was some sort of water god. If he only knew the other ‘elements’ that she is acquainted with. Speaking of which, it seems these friends preach exactly that. I mean, one man, four women, and all manner of talk of other men and money earned. It’s a bit too much for my sensibilities. After enjoying the best ale the Frosty Jewel had to offer, I escorted the “boss” of the group out to where I met the orc.

Apparently, the remainder of the orc’s tribe has run into a bit of trouble with some ice trolls. In all my life I’ve never hunted anything so deadly, I just had to go. It wasn’t too hard to convince the ‘boss’ to simply keep me in ale and I would keep him and his womenfolk protected, which is a fair trade for a man in his profession, I think. I mean, he’s a bit on the scrawny side, but I imagine he’s got a mean right hand.

The fight with the troll’s could’ve gone better. One of the boss’ ladies is a druid and enlarged me to fight the trolls, which I didn’t know druids could do. None of the druids in the tribe did anything like that. Maybe it’s something she learned to do to bring in more money, but I’ll try not to think about that too much. I should’ve had her do the same to Snarls as he got a little banged up in the fight. Hell, I got a little banged up, as well. I’ve have to figure out a way to protect him better in combat. We brought the trolls down, rooted through their lair and spend the night with the orcs. It was refreshing to hear my own language especially since Snarls isn’t much for conversation. While they were held captive, it seems they witnessed some human male approach the giant and pay him in foreign coin to “disrupt the local area”.

I’m not sure what exactly that entails, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough as the boss and his top woman seemed very intrigued when I mentioned the scar on the man’s face. Perhaps, she put that scar there and the boss is still owed money.

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Haket's Journal

Asul Campaign Setting bigheadedknight